A Package Tour - For Hampers And Suitcases
Sydney Morning Herald
Thursday November 15, 2007
I SPENT four days in Queensland last week. My suitcase spent three. Food hampers of exotic Christmassy goodies, intended as gifts for our rural friends from the glittering city of Sydney, didn't make it. I concentrated on the dwindling number of suitcases that were sniffed and trampled by exuberant dogs before being paraded round on the carousel. When no baggage or beagles remained, a fellow bagless passenger jumped onto the conveyor belt to peer through the hole in the wall that had given birth to everyone else's luggage, perhaps hoping his suitcase might be delivered in a rush of miraculous afterbirth.
We were directed to the airport's security desk, the bagless man and I. The security desk was hidden and disguised, and we marched down two long corridors discovering an international terminal and a baby change room before a cleaner led us to the appropriate place. Three pretty girls staffed the security desk and they gave their full attention to the man. He was asked to describe his suitcase and as he turned to each of the three pretty girls, he added more detail. A green bag, with a white stripe here and a black stripe there ... They noted every word. Where was he staying? He was staying just down the road. All the girls watched him write down his phone number.Eventually a form was completed with details of my Queensland accommodation - out of normal courier range apparently - and I drove a hire car two hours to the motel. Food hampers, organised to arrive days before me, were on a seven-day, six-night tour of their own. Wanting to shower and change my sweaty clothes, I befriended the sympathetic proprietor of the local drapery who styled me in a hot-pink muu-muu. And rather than rest a while in the air-conditioned motel room, I pushed a trolley around the only grocery store in town hunting for a toothbrush, shampoo and knickers. My suitcase was found dawdling in Sydney. I became mulish when told the bag would have a whole night and morning at leisure in Cairns before joining me, and I spent two hours and the price of a decent dinner on phone calls to lost-bag officials in Cairns and Sydney and Delhi. The suitcase arrived at dawn next day. And sitting beside it, in the foyer of my inland motel, was another bag. A green bag, with a white stripe here and a black stripe there ... Readers are invited to send 500 words on what makes their blood boil to heckler@smh.com.au. Include your phone details. Submissions may be edited and published online.
© 2007 Sydney Morning Herald